These
discussions may be uncomfortable at first but they’ll ensure the couple
know each other fairly well and are on the same page on key issues that
affect marriage relationships.
Far
from interrogation-style affairs, it would be easier if the couple is
able to feel relaxed and build the topics into everyday conversation.
Some of these topics include:
1) Money: While
nothing is as un-sexy as talking about a budget, money is one of the
biggest sources of contention in a partnership. So bring it up. Talk
about it often. This matters.
2) Children: Do
you want them? Does he? How many? When do you want to try to have them?
All very important questions as kids are more than a fashion accessory.
3) Dreams: What
do you want out of life? What does your partner want? It’s important to
talk about the things you both want out of life as well as how you can
work together to make sure you EACH are able to meet those goals.
4) Living: Where are you going to live? His place? Yours? Somewhere else? And why do you want to live there? Is it best for both of you?
5) Family Ties: It’s important to be able to set up some emotional boundaries when it comes to extended family — yours and his. You don’t have to talk badly about your in-laws to figure out who goes where for what holiday.
6) Culture Clash: If
religion is a big thing for either of you (or both of you), will you go
to church? Will one of you change religions? Is it okay with you both
if you’re not the same religion? What about how you’ll raise your kids?
7) Old Flames: Are you in contact with your old boyfriends? Is he? Does that matter?
8) Past Problems: It’s
likely that you broke it off with other partners for a reason. Why?
What did you learn about those relationships and yourself? What about
him?
9) Losing Secrets: In
a marriage, there are no secrets. You’ll be seeing it all. So may as
well confess your dirty laundry and get accustomed to keeping the lines
of communication open.
10) Communication: It’s
important to talk about how to have a proper discussion with your
partner. Communication is a vital part of relationships, so discuss how
you each handle conflicts before you’re in the middle of one.
11) Values: What
are your values? Which way does your moral compass face? What about
his? What’s okay in his mind may not be okay in yours, so it’s vital to
discuss this before you get in too deeply.
12) Sexuality: There’s
an old myth about not having sex after you’re married, so it’s a good
thing to consider and discuss. You may have everything it takes to make a
great couple work… except chemistry. Important to discuss how to make
that work for you both.
13) Love: How
you each show your love matters after awhile. Are you one of those
people who “fixes” things to show love or do you simply hug and cuddle
that love? What about him? If you don’t make it clear how you show love,
it can take a toll on a marriage.
14) Cleaning the House: Who
does what around the house? Will you have a “Honey Do” list for your
husband? Will you be responsible for certain aspects while your partner
does others? Which ones? How?
15) Date Night: Be
sure you discuss the ways in which you and your partner will continue
to spark the romance once the wedding vows are taken. Date night? Nights
in front of the TV without any distractions? Doesn’t matter, but it
needs to happen.
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