1. Be honest. Everyone
has heard the same old clichéd lines before…"It's not you, it's me" is
transparent and overdone. Nothing is worse than not knowing what the
real reason was, even if it may hurt. Besides, Mark Twain said, "If you
tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." It's just easier.
And don't get caught in a lie - you'll just end up looking silly.
2. Do it in person. Breaking up with someone over email, on the phone (even worse, on a... may
make things easier for you, but it certainly won't be easier on your
ex. Try not to be selfish - show this person the respect that he or she
deserves. The right thing to do may be the harder thing, but it's still
the right thing.
3. Do it before you stray. Do
you really want to be that person who had to resort to cheating in
order to let your significant other know that it's over? We thought not.
If you're even thinking about straying, go ahead and address the
situation you're already in before trying to find the "next thing"
(which, by the way, won't be starting off on the right foot either).
Exploring your options may feel thrilling or dangerous now, but trust
us, it will never outweigh the guilt you'll feel later.
4. Listen. Even
if you don't want to, do it. Even if you don't want to hear what
they're saying, try. Even if you don't care, listen to this person for
this small, defined time slot of your life. If you're breaking their
heart, they deserve to be heard for a few final minutes with you. Who
knows, you may actually learn a few things about yourself and what you need to work on in your next relationship.
5. Do it in the right place. Translation: IN PRIVATE. Your soon-to-be-ex is already going to beheartbroken; please
keep this from becoming the most embarrassing moment of their lives. No
bars, no restaurants, no movie theatres, no parties. Think neutral:
ideally a spot with no emotional attachment or nostalgia, and ideally a
day/time/place where it's easy for them to hear what you have to say,
react how they want to, and promptly and discreetly leave the situation.
6. Don't delay it. When
it is over, it's over. You know it - so it's only fair to let your
partner know as soon as you're sure. No one likes to be strung along.
Don't think you're doing anyone any favors by delaying the inevitable.
7. Keep the Peace. Don't start a fight in hopes of lessening the guilt you may feel about breaking someone's heart. Know
they'll be upset, so just stick to the end goal, which is to end things
cleanly, fairly and honestly. Try not to make the other person suffer
any more than necessary.
8. Give your future ex a say. As the heartbreaker, you're calling the shots, but you should respect how your ex wants to move forward.
Ask them what they want - to have space, to be left alone, to consider
future friendship. You owe them a say in the matter, and you should
acknowledge, if not respect, their wishes.
9. Be Direct. Dancing
around what you're trying to say will only open up the opportunity for
debate - and worse, begging and pleading, which may lead you to second
guess yourself. Be clear, thorough, and offer to answer any questions.
Leave no room for guesswork, which can be painful for both parties
involved.
10. Leave the scene. Once
you've had this difficult conversation, honestly and directly, in the
right place and time, with no fights, you're almost there. The aftermath
is just as crucial as the actual breakup. Walk away. Let them be. Be an adult if you have an accidental run-in. And
by all means, you made this bed, so be prepared to lie in it. Don't
tease them about getting back together if you really have no intentions
of doing so.
The
most important rule in dealing with breaking up with someone is the
time-honored "Golden Rule." Leave as you would like to be left. Being dumped is a terrible thing, and
if it's never happened to you, consider yourself lucky. Try to think
about how you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed -
you'll end up with minimal regret and the ability to look back on the
breakup and feel that you handled it in the best way you could.
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